hard to find

Sometimes you have to step away from everything in order to find what you are looking for. You cannot find something this elusive unless you step outside of your bounds and let go of everything that is familiar and safe. No cell phones, no internet, no tv, almost no people, no support groups, no polution, no noise, no traffic, no air condition, no news, no more material comforts that we have grown so accustomed to and have started to worship. You let go of all these things and you start to attain what seems impossible to find, but it's there and it's simply beautiful.

The sound of the ocean waves, the smell of the warm sea air, the sound of the breeze through trees that grow naturally, the feeling of true love... are all there. This place was difficult to get to. It is half a world away, by jet; another plane to another island; cab rides; a speed boat; a tricycle ride; 2 bus rides; a ride on the back of a motorcycle; a ride in the back of a covered truck; more bus rides; a pedicab; more tricycle rides; walking down 182 steps down a steep mountain path by the ocean; a bangka; getting ferried across a river by a little girl in a small paddle boat; walks down dark provincial roads only lit up by the moonlight; walks down long stretches of beach around rock formations with the surf crashing all around.... all eventually led me to where I needed to be.

This place is not so much a location on a map, but a location in my soul. I have searched. I have left behind. I have disappeared... only to have found and be found. I have realised that it is absolutely true that sometimes you must lose almost everything in order to gain back that which you have lost. I have come full circle. We all lose... innocence, love, simplicity, youth, ourselves ... but it is not lost forever. It is just hard to find.

September 2008