my old favorite place

I used to spend a lot of time alone here when I was in high school. But actually, I was never alone because the animals were always there. The best time to go would be on a spring day.... Tuesday or some off day when most people are busy doing other things besides enjoying the zoo. This place was a special place. It would take me far away from everything just for a while. I could be in the vast plains of Africa with the lions and in a few minutes be in Antarctica with the penguins. It was the whole world to me and at times i had the place all to myself.

I would sometimes sketch, write, take pictures, sleep on a bench, or just enjoy the quietness within the city. The proximity to the lakefront made it even more appealing but I liked staying within the confines of the park. I remember paddle boats in the South Pond in the summer and eating at the cafe by the pond. I loved the conservatory on the north of the park where it felt like a rain forest. Sometimes I'd watch the rowers practice on the South Lagoon. Most of the time, I was just sitting enjoying life and it was all for free. I really felt free and far away whenever I came here.

Life is different now. I have new people in my life that I want to bring here. I have brought my kids, Chloe, Dillon, Max and Bella here and told them about how I really enjoy this place and what it means to me. Sometimes, they seem uninterested, but I know, when they're older, they will know what it means to have a "place" you like. I still like my alone time here, but I rarely get the chance now. I want to go back whenever I can but I want to bring special people with me... so they can love the place as much as I do.

hard to find

Sometimes you have to step away from everything in order to find what you are looking for. You cannot find something this elusive unless you step outside of your bounds and let go of everything that is familiar and safe. No cell phones, no internet, no tv, almost no people, no support groups, no polution, no noise, no traffic, no air condition, no news, no more material comforts that we have grown so accustomed to and have started to worship. You let go of all these things and you start to attain what seems impossible to find, but it's there and it's simply beautiful.

The sound of the ocean waves, the smell of the warm sea air, the sound of the breeze through trees that grow naturally, the feeling of true love... are all there. This place was difficult to get to. It is half a world away, by jet; another plane to another island; cab rides; a speed boat; a tricycle ride; 2 bus rides; a ride on the back of a motorcycle; a ride in the back of a covered truck; more bus rides; a pedicab; more tricycle rides; walking down 182 steps down a steep mountain path by the ocean; a bangka; getting ferried across a river by a little girl in a small paddle boat; walks down dark provincial roads only lit up by the moonlight; walks down long stretches of beach around rock formations with the surf crashing all around.... all eventually led me to where I needed to be.

This place is not so much a location on a map, but a location in my soul. I have searched. I have left behind. I have disappeared... only to have found and be found. I have realised that it is absolutely true that sometimes you must lose almost everything in order to gain back that which you have lost. I have come full circle. We all lose... innocence, love, simplicity, youth, ourselves ... but it is not lost forever. It is just hard to find.

September 2008